Any advice? or anybody relate?

My name is Armoni Dayquan Ford, 21, Virgo in matrix shit I’m still learning who I am but I am that I am.

I’m sure yall see me posting, but today imma lay this shit on the table cause it’s eating me alive literally. So, My “mother” 19 at that energy cycle and “Father” 21 had me in 2000. Mind you they split 2 days before I was born because my father forced my mother into labor hitting her with the car door, and my ass was born two days later. The last time I seen my father before 2019 was 2006, and I’ve obviously seen him and been in contact with him. I recently came back from visiting my girlfriend whom I currently have a long distance relationship with The 22nd of November. Since then I came back to be with family and continue to build myself up, And I was recently staying with my mother until about 4-5 days ago when she pulled the unexpected. My mother told me after all this time she wanted nothing to do with me couldn’t stand looking at me and said fuck me because I look just like my father, and also tried stabbing me that same night. I’ve been trying to get away from my mother for years emancipation papers and all because I’ve always seen her as unfit, but I love her you know thats my mom. I have 4 other brothers and I’m the oldest. My mother never wanted me to have a girlfriend, friends over nothing. Never came to a game besides a scrimmage, never helped with homework, never talked unless drunk and just provided. Mind you me and my brothers were taken from my mother once before and they are currently in the midst of going with her after staying with my grandma who is not biological to me but is to three of my younger brother. She’s kicked me out and I can’t stay with her nor my grandma because my brothers fathers father who pointed all types guns and shit at my head when I was younger lives there and I’ve already beat the shit out of him.

Im tired, of fighting my own people and it’s been like this my whole life. I’m tired of fighting myself and my own thoughts because those around me was never real. And it’s just funny how the signs I had all my life showed themselves after 21 years. but now I’m in a position where I can do nothing about it.

Im down too my last already because of the bread I spent on Shit for them and myself not knowing this would happen. I’ve been sleeping in a Telly and today’s my last day with not enough to pay for anything else, this is my last move.

I don’t seek money, I don’t seek pity, can someone just tell me wtf to do???

I’ve asked myself, and all I’ve been able to is drink and get high, as much as I know it’s no good. My positive thoughts are the only thing keeping me going rn other wise I would’ve been blew my shit.

I don’t know I guess this just my last straw.